Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
