this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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