I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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