Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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