I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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