Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
