so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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