You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
