i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
