i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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