dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
