ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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