Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
