i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
