there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It was confusing and full of hummus
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
