she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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