I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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