i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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