Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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