shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
not ubering you a puppy
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Someone signed my nipple.
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