Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
