i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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