the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
