Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
