No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
