I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
