This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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