I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
