The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
