Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
