why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
