I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He passed out mid-signature
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
