I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
