just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Let's get the cat blown out
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize