nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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