we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
