I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
