just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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