i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
