Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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