some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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