I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
