I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
