Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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