I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
