I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
