If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
