I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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