Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
