the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
