you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
