Don't make out with my wife yet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
