Your mouth is God's brothel.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
