I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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