he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
