Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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