if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
