bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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