sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
