I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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