quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Randomize
