we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
