Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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