My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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