Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
